Jan 2012
POLICE REPORT
The San Antonio Police would like to remind you that THERE
IS NO REFUSAL FOR DUI OFFENSES. This is in response to
the steadily climbing increase in the rate of drunk driving and
alcohol-related accidents. THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK. (M)
Strange Crimes and Events
in San Antonio (M)
Six college students were badly mauled
on New Year’s Eve when they were attacked
on a family ranch. The group was
drinking and setting off fireworks when
seven to ten unknown animals emerged
from a nearby cactus patch, apparently
distressed by the loud bangs and bright
lights caused by the pyrotechnics. Animal
control officers managed to capture one
of the creatures, but have yet to identify it.
Residents of northeast San Antonio and
Schertz have been plagued by break-ins
for the past month. Witnesses describe
the intruder as a large insect roughly the
size of a large dog. Security cameras and
avid photographers calling themselves
“Bug Spotters” have captured blurred
images of the creature as it rummaged
through several discarded mattresses.
Texas Wildlife experts are baffled by the
pictures, claiming that it is impossible for
such a creature to survive. “Insects don’t
have the necessary lung power to keep
themselves from suffocating at that size,”
said one biologist, though she could not
dismiss the creatures obvious insectile
features.
When three exterminators fled from a
condemned building downtown after they
discovered the body of a woman, police
couldn’t find any evidence to support
their claim. However, a follow up search
uncovered what officers called “a pile of
corpses.” Last weekend, an officer responded
to a call claiming that someone
had been spotted entering and exiting
the building. Responding officials were
confronted with a festering heap of rotting
cats, dogs, rats, and even human
corpses. Preliminary investigations have
revealed that some of the insect species
breeding among the carnage are not native
to the United States. Detective Warren
Crayte stated in an email, “There is
no need. . . for alarm. None of the bodies
appear to have suffered violent deaths.”
While Detective Crayte has no leads on
who piled the bodies in the abandoned
downtown building, he encourages others
to stay away from the premises.
Paranormal investigators have concluded
that the Menger Hotel, once considered
the most haunted hotel in Texas,
is no longer home to the host of haunt
that once walked its halls. Ghost Seekers,
the investigation crew that the Menger
employed, had no explanation for the
mysterious lack of activity in one of San
Antonio’s most haunted sites. Menger
staff declined comment, but the hotel has
closed a significant portion of its room for
renovation following the investigation results.
A local ASPCA shelter and Laurel Ridge
Mental Hospital suffered two deaths towards
the end of December. An unnamed
employee of the pet shelter and a patient
at the hospital suffered similar symptoms
of dizziness, amnesia, fatigue, and
eventually coma over three months before
dying Christmas evening. Autopsies
revealed an unknown substance in the
brains of both victims. Methodist Hospital
officials say that although they do not
believe the cause of death is related to a
disease, they will quarantine Laurel Ridge
and the shelter until an official cause of
death can be determined.
Lucky crickets soared in popularity toward
the end of August, and they kept
their appeal through the holidays. These
little critters topped Christmas lists for
many San Antonians and the small Santeria
shop that is the sole purveyor of Lucky
Crickets has been unable to meet the demand
for them. Thousands of San Antonians
are keeping Lucky Crickets as pets
for their supposed ability to ward off bad
luck. The Santeria shop has not named
the source of the animals despite ongoing
investigation by customs authorities.
San Antonio Police are looking into reports
of tall, thin figures that have been
spotted haunting cemeteries across
town. Originally thought to be Halloween
pranksters, the sightings have continued
through December. Four boys were injured
when they took up baseball bats
and attempted to confront the mysterious
intruders on New Year’s Eve. While the
youths claim that they were attacking a
tall creature that they had surrounded, all
of their injuries were sustained from the
bats that they were wielding. Authorities
are waiting on drug tests before they
charge the four boys.
POLICE HOTLINE
(V) Castroville police have
opened a tip line for help
from the public. Anyone with
information regarding the
murder of Michael Forsyth
should call as soon as possible,
so that the perpetrator
of this senseless brutality can
be brought to justice. 1-800-
555-6565.
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH
ALERT!
(M) A new gang tag has been appearing
with alarming frequency in the
downtown area. The “Witness” tag has
been placed on libraries, law offices,
and even the Bexar County Courthouse.
It is not believed to be related
to the recent graffiti of the San Antonio
historical sites. The police are treating
it as simple vandalism. It’s up to you
to keep your eyes open! Don’t let the
gangs encroach on our neighborhoods!
Please, help us keep our neighborhoods
CLEAN!
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December 2011
Meet Mr. Scruffles! (M)
Mr. Scruffles, a 4 year old Irish Wolfhound, needs a new home!
Mr. Scruffles was found in a house, apparently abandoned by his previous
owners, and has seen abuse, judging from the missing patches of fur and his one blind eye.
Help Mr. Scruffles forget all of that with a new, loving home! He is excitable, so he needs a big yard, and lots of exercise! Mr. Scruffles has all his shots, and is up to date on vaccinations. Best for owners without small children... Mr. Scruffles LOVES attention, and can get a bit jealous. Call the Animal Defense League for more details, at 555-285-5555.
POLICE REPORT (M)
A local woman, Juliet Kramer, 32, walked into the John Igo public library Monday morning, and stood motionless for 5 minutes. When a librarian asked if she needed help, Miss Kramer, a single mother
and bartender at SoHo Downtown, pulled a pistol from her jacket pocket, stated "I must be saved" and shot herself in the left eye. Miss Kramer was dead by the time the police arrived. No one else was injured.
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